We all have a shadow side and this week it’s ugly head has been rearing itself quite a bit. It’s not like me to feel this way but a feeling of fogginess and not quite giving a shit is probably the best way to describe it. As I sit here and reflect on what I experienced yesterday and last night I’m not sure what to make of it right now.
I search my mind and think about what Carl Jung wrote about the shadow side: “The shadow is most destructive, insidious and dangerous when habitually repressed and projected, manifesting in myriad psychological disturbances ranging from neurosis to psychosis, irrational interpersonal hostility, and even cataclysmic international clashes. Such deleterious symptoms, attitudes and behavior stem from being possessed or driven by the dissociated yet undaunted shadow”.
As a Healer I work in and with the light and yet, I am a soul having a human experience and have to overcome and deal with the ego, my own failings and shortcomings and all the human experiences that is part of this life here on earth. And sometimes I take on other people’s energy which is not my own but I’ve learned how to release it again in an instant. This felt different …
I’ve experienced lows and highs, bliss and overwhelm in many forms and sometimes the lows are so damn difficult! As I’m writing these words of acceptance I can feel the center of my body (the solar plexus) expanding into the light and opening up a little.
So yesterday started as a normal day, like any other day. I’ve not been sleeping very well lately but woke up with a smile on my face ready for this beautiful sunny day.
As the day progressed I felt this surge of anger rise up within me and by the evening it was well and truly simmering. It was like I didn’t want to let it go, I needed it to simmer. As I was lying in my bed at night my thoughts started wandering, thinking about what happened to my Mom and all of a sudden I was literally shouting at the universe in my head, feeling this simmering anger rise from within and from a place deep within I just let the universe have it, about everything. (I can feel my hands now fiery hot as I type these words, healing my words, soothing me).
Within seconds of me allowing my anger to take over, I started shivering. I felt so cold. My son who is super sensitive to energy got out of bed and came into our room to say that he felt “frustrated” and couldn’t sleep. Frustrated was the least of my worries. I put him back into bed and by the time I returned to my room I was literally shaking from the cold. I put on another jumper (3 layers by now) and still the cold was so intense, like I was encased in a block of ice. It was moving through my body in waves and I didn’t want to feel this way anymore.
My mind felt foggy but I wanted this to stop and asked my spirit team for help. The more I was fighting the anger, the more cold I felt so I started to expand my light within and after a few moment started to feel a little warmer. I called in peace and love and little by little my light grew larger and I could feel the darkness within slowly be replaced by a warm glow. Eventually I was bathed in a beautiful light and fell asleep.
Please know that I’m very sensitive to energy and this was my experience of anger. I’m sharing it with you to show you how our emotions can affect us energetically and drag us down, how it can rob us of our light. I believe I was shown what anger physically feels like so I can share it with you. To see it for what it is and not to hold onto it but let it go.
This morning I feel raw, like a wound that was festering was scraped open. I know it will heal, this time it won’t just scab over but heal properly.
Today I choose love instead of anger.
I acknowledge the shadow side so I can heal with love and light.
The best medicine for me to help me heal is to dance it out. To allow my body to play. And this is exactly what I will be doing.
Come dance with me beautiful soul, open up to the joy within and allow all fear, anger, frustration to dissolve into the light.
The darkness will not be your master, only the light will prevail.
With love and light,